![]() ![]() I know, hold up, most people who experience suicidal ideations are really not that interested in reading, thinking, or otherwise having anything to do with God. Call the suicide hotline listed at the beginning of this blog.Ī very close friend gave me some spiritual literature around that time.Talk to a friend or family member – they will be able to help if you are honest.See your doctor and be very, very honest about what is going on with you.This only came off halfway, but it helped. I realized that I would have to think about something else, no matter how hard it was for me. I was ready to leave this earth, but I couldn’t imagine leaving my husband, my father, my dogs, and my good friends. I literally could not stop thinking about suicide. Later, I was sitting in the busy veterinarian’s office, trying to take care of my beloved pets, when I burst into tears. One day I was writing this angry stuff in the morning and just feeling like shit. Perhaps the worst thing is not knowing if the black, icky, depression will ever end. Those of us who suffer from suicidal ideations are often considered burdens to our families. God works in “mysterious ways” and cancer patients get love and care from their families. The anger I felt at God and cancer victims may have been justified. How can you let me feel this way? How can you let it be okay for me to suffer?” (Me): “Those people have no idea what it is like to need healthcare and not be able to get it”. (Me, Mimicking the General Population): “Oh, I can’t believe Obama is making us choose from affordable health options”. ![]() “I always start thinking about killing myself when I write.” You know it’s not comfortable in my skin…” “Well, you’re God, so you know how much of a mess I’m in right now. Are you giving me polio of the mind – crippling me for the rest of my life?” “God, it’s just that it’s been so long with so many times I thought it was over, and it never was. “This has gotten very hard for me to do because it evokes all of the worst feelings I have.” Let me see if I can find the actual journal so I can make you laugh and cry with the things I was saying… I had been angry and uncomfortable for so long it was getting ridiculous. I was so angry and uncomfortable in my body at that time (this was about two years ago). The reason I say this is because it reminds me of a time when I was writing in my journal at the behest of my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor. Depression has often been described as “ anger turned inward” and I think there is validation for that. ![]() Clinical depression, as we all know, is a huge culprit. I have found that there is always a reason for suicidal thoughts. If you are thinking about suicide and have a plan, please call (800) 273-8255 Semicolon Men’s and Women’s Necklaces ![]()
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